Saturday, August 19, 2006

Open Letter to Islamic Jihad

Mr. Jihad:

I very much regret to inform you, and all your sympathizers and supporters, of the following:

I believe you must be destroyed completely. I believe the concerted effort towards your destruction, by the simultaneous application of reasoned persuasion, applied coersion, and violent extermination, should not cease until you cease to exist.

I believe this because I believe you have proven yourself to be a very clear and dangerous threat to innocent, non-Muslim people around the world. This is proven to me by the violent and supremacist content of your holy texts, the consistently aggressive and hateful interpretations of those texts by your scholars over the last 15 centuries, and the violent, murderous, barbaric, and deceitful actions of your adherents - past and present.

It is proven to me that you are an abhorrent ideology of violent expansion, barbaric warfare, perpetual deception, appalling slavery, vicious brutality, and aggressive supremacy. It is proven to me that you seek to impose oppressive Islamic Law upon the rest of the entire world via your consistently violent and expansionist character.

These are my beliefs, and I am horrified by them. I am horrified that, in the 21st century, it is still necessary for anyone to harbor such beliefs. I am horrified that such beliefs have been foisted upon me by relics of the 7th century. I am horrified that the devout among you have perpetrated persistent, vicious attacks around the world, which have convinced me of my beliefs. I am horrified that so few members of your 'civilization' truthfully seek an end to such acts of aggression and murder. I am horrified that members of my Civilization, who should be conducting peaceful and productive lives, will instead have to expend much of their lives - too often sacrificing their lives - in defensive conflict against your perpetually violent and aggressive forces.

I am always horrified by killing, even killing something like you.

But know this: I am horrified by my beliefs, but I flatly reject yours. I am alerted by you, but I am not intimidated. I have been terrorized by your acts, but I do not fear you. You have chillingly told me that your love of death will defeat my way of life. And of your love of death I say, 'tis a good thing for you.

Because although I have no quarrel with your beliefs of spiritual things unseen - the name you choose for God, your choice of words in addressing Him, your tales of Angels, Prophets, and Demons - I adamantly reject your ideological beliefs concerning the very real world we share. Those beliefs of yours that pollute, denigrate, disgrace, and threaten to destroy the rest of us, are my only concern. And if separation of the spiritual and ideological is not possible for you to comprehend, then this failure on your part shall mean the destruction of both.

For I am Freedom - The Lion of the World. I am confident, but my belly is full and I am lazy. So it is with one who is so successful, so accomplished, and such the envy of mere hyenas like you. You have nipped at my tail and tugged at my ears, and I have swatted you in restrained annoyance. But now you challenge my very existence, and you seek to destroy my offspring and lay waste to my domain.

Congratulations, you have at last gained my attention. Now I must devour you.


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